Day 113

April 30, 2009.

我今天特别累。上课上的很专心，跟朋友谈话谈得很开心。。。只是回到自己一个人走路回家时，发现自己的头脑很痛，也不是“头痛”就是脑子今天下了不少力气来领悟教授们所解释的概念，说出的每一个字都有意义，不能忽略。跟朋友在一起是，还是一样要花力气，问问他们今天好不好，夏天干嘛，对期末考紧不紧张，等等往常问的问题。回家后，室友问我我为什么显得那么难过，但是不是难过，只能说是没有感觉了，所有的劲儿都花光了，我却忘记把一点留给我自己了。 明天再来咯。

Day 112

April 29, 2009.

Undergrad Rhetoric mixer, where grapes remain the food of the gods and hungry students.

Classes kept me busy today, and I enjoyed them and the people I found in them. I got the good news of another part-time internship, a possible thesis advisor for next year, and a work-out at the gym. I had Indian food for dinner and spent an hour in the Music Library (aptly named) reading my Hannah Arednt. I feel like a college student; at the same time, I feel my time here slipping through my fingers, and move nostalgically from activity to activity.

Day 111

April 28, 2009.

Interview at Schwartz Communications in SF for a part-time intern position. This is the view from the BART station on the way back to class. 

Below, my friend Erica and I take in a strangely-made Chinese film at the Institute for Chinese Studies. 

Lord, please take away my asthma. I would like to run for the bus without breathing heavily for the next forty minutes. Thank you.

kb.

Day 110

April 27, 2009.

Me and my twin, a.k.a. Carol. I like how housemates can coordinate. Everything! This is us in our living room after a day of looking alike all day.

Day 109

April 26, 2009.

Brunch with my cousin, Alice, followed by a lengthy discussion on life. Full bellies and sunshine make for a happy Alice and Karen.

Day 108

April 25, 2009.

Chinese speech competition. Nuff said.

Day 107

April 24, 2009.

I like the many faces to a person. Photographs show an instant in time, but if you take enough of them they show change, motion, life. This is my friend Isaac from S.A.O., the Student Advocate's Office. He came in and looked statuesque in his somberness, so of course I had to pull my camera out and begin capturing shots. Hopefully placing them next to each other creates a sequence, and you can see the move from somber, to laughing, to posed. : )

The two photos below make me happy. The first is my friend Mona putting the hijab on me yesterday (so I'll be a hijabi), while I fidget and distract her. The next is from my trek up to the Haas Clubhouse, and shows the Campinile standing alone with mountains in the background.

  

Day 106 (click to enlarge)

April 23, 2009.

Taking the Hijabi Challenge

Today I took the hijabi challenge, one of the events put on by the Muslim Student Association in their "Experience Islam Week." My friend Mona, who helped organize the event, promised to let me use it as my picture of the day if I participated. So, voila.

My feelings towards wearing the hijab slowly shifted as the day wore on, so I tried to use a series of pictures to show the change. I had been thinking of this day since I agreed to it on Tuesday; picking up the headscarf and having Mona pin it on around many other young women in hijabi, I felt a sense of community like I've never felt before. But as soon as I left Sproul and entered the library, for example, I felt immediately alien: I did not belong in the library (visually) just as much as I didn't, really, belong in a hijab. But whether I belonged or not, I stayed and sat, and felt quite comfortable with my headphones sticking into my headscarf.

Until class. No one commented on it, surprising for a small seminar. After class I said how surprised I was, wearing this for a day without comment, and one student remarked, "Oh, I thought you were Muslim." Another one said he thought I was wearing it because my head was cold. ...Hah. 

My friends didn't recognize me, and were themselves shocked to see me-- but after wearing it for an entire day I felt attached to it. The scarf had a kind of warmth for me, the same warmth I get after taking my coat off on a Boston's winter day.  I kept it on until after the workman came to check our stove, then, slowly, I walked into the bathroom for my shower and carefully pulled out the pins, unraveling my scarf, my hijab, to reveal a single dark volume of hair. My hair, my hijab... in the end, it's just myself that's left.

Day 105

April 22, 2009.

I love the quality of light in Berkeley, now that it's spring. It filters through the trees with varying degrees of intensity and shadows, and I tried to capture some of that variance in these photographs.

The above two shots I took while walking home from school in the day; the two below are from my second walk back, from the library at night. When you're in a hurry to return home, the halls of Moffitt seem to run on forever.

Day 104

April 21, 2009.

I often forget this, so I wrote up a quote on a post-it and stuck it to my wall. It sits right in front of my desk, so whenever I look up in thought from my computer screen, I see it staring back at me. The reminder helps when, as recently, I find myself worrying about summer plans, post-graduation plans, even daily, tomorrow plans. Instead of trapping myself in the "There's no way I can do this" paralysis (for that's what the fear does, really) I affirm my abilities with a simple quotation. All my Rhetoric professors would be proud.

Day 103

April 20, 2009.

I took these shots while talking with my mom outside of the gym, by the rock wall. I saw a jet shoot by, one of those that leaves a white trail behind it, and pulled out my camera before it could fade away. I like the texture in this shot, and the sense of the wall becoming smaller the higher one goes.

The two shots below are from my walk home after the gym. Dwight Way has this one block where a wooden fence, replete with shrubs, cushions the sidewalk, and the plants threaten to overtake their imposing architectural visitors.

Day 102

April 19, 2009.

I spent a lot of time in the kitchen today: sweeping, cleaning and mopping the floor, putting away dishes, and cooking this week's meals. The two shots above show the white board in our kitchen, where we write random thoughts and other house concerns. You can see the reflection of the pantry, where we keep our foodstuffs, on its surface. Since the sun blazed outside, the brightness from the window beautifully illuminated our hallway's centerpiece, and I snapped a shot to capture the feel.

The two shots below are of what I cooked: Thai style basil chicken with eggplant (泰式茄子）and vinegar chicken with two types of mushroom and sauteed onions. Once I make more rice, and some tofu with snowpeas, I'll be set for the week. Or until Wednesday, at least.

A part of me wants to throw future careers and concerns to the wind, put on an apron and work in the local Chinese (or even better, Thai) restaurant for the summer. Or just volunteer there, free labor in exchange for being able to watch them concoct deliciousness. I'm such a visual, visceral person that the atmosphere might suit me better than an office job. And I'd gain a remarkable skill, the ability to create something that always satisfies. Hm...

Day 101

April 18, 2009.

Cal Day! From waking up at the time I was supposed to be tabling, to explaining 20 times what my major is to new freshmen, to tabling for S.A.O. (Student Advocate's Office-- best group on campus!) and attending the Rhetoric honors session, I've come to realize... I love Cal.

And I love the people, like my wonderful housemates who I know I can count on to be home when I need them, to gossip with and complain with when I need to. I love the people I ping-pong with (Denise!) and the people I go to support at Taiko's showcase. Most of all, though-- I love my kitchen and T-pop and three cup chicken cooking.

All these things fuse together to form a home at Cal. Hurray!

DAY 100!

April 17, 2009.

Day 100! I made it.

This is a picture of my bed, with all its texture and wrinkles included. The morning light falls calmly on my pillow each day, and I leave my nook of comforter, sheets and warmth for another day on campus.

Here's to 265 more photos.

Day 99

April 16, 2009.

I took this picture while in Taipei. School was cancelled throughout the city because there was a monsoon threat, and I profitted from the "monsoon day" by exploring one of the neighborhoods I'd never been to. I had been feeling on that day much as I feel now, kind of empty and unsure-- of why I was there, what I would do in the future, how I would go about 'figuring' my life out and setting it in order. This single stem of leaves rested in a puddle in the park I was in, and its simplicity attracted me. I am trying to simplify my thoughts, but simplifying seems to be a complicated process in itself.

Day 98

April 15, 2009.


While I'm looking for my charger, I'll post pictures from home. This is the sunset in Boston, as seen from my roof. I like the step formation the clouds made that day.

Day 97

April 14, 2009.

My home, filled with a self-proclaimed "strong feminine energy."

Day 96

April 13, 2009.

Walking home from the library, with another cover letter written and another resume sent out, I pass a frightening play of light on the sidewalk. Who knew that the gate of House of Curries, a local Indian restaurant, could cast such a disturbing shadow.

I will finish applying and make a decision on internships by May 1st. That will give me most peace of mind. Here goes.

Day 95

April 12, 2009.


My friend Dow-Li and I went back to Chinatown today and left with a carful of vegetables, meats and fruit. Seeing all the 老太太 (elderly women) with their families and grandchildren made me feel like I was six again, going to the Super 88 with my 婆婆 to buy groceries. Returning with chives, Chinese eggplant and newspaper-wrapped basil, I'd call this trip a success. Now on to cooking...

Day 94

April 11, 2009.

Japantown, Cherry Blossom Festival. Today I had dim-sum in Oakland Chinatown, ordered 粽子in Mandarin, showed my friends around this neighborhoods alleys and storefronts, explaining and translating. I then went to San Francisco's Japantown, watching fan dancers and tea ceremonies, pagodas and old shopkeepers-- and I loved every second. I do not know why being around ethnic communities, particularly Asian ones, makes me so happy. As soon as I enter a relaxed feeling suffuses my body and mind, and smile. It's as though I feel more at home there, even though I visually

 stand out. 

These pictures are both from the street fair in Japantown. The ceramic figure amused me; I have a clay figure from China on my desk, to keep me company, but she is bundled up and slim, whereas this one proudly holds all her ground. 

I also came across a booth selling all Asian-American and Hapa-themed clothing. "Hapa" means "half" in Hawai'ian, and not many people recognize the term. Seeing it in print excited and thrilled me. I want to take pride in my hapa-ness, not forgetting either side of my family and never forgetting my uniqueness, race or otherwise.